So the news came down from on high this week that I'd be getting some new neighbors: Ms. Jenni "JWoww" Farley and Ms. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. Yes, they're taking up residence in The JC for a few weeks to film their
Jersey Shore spin-off show. I have two big issues with this, and neither of them have to do with fear of bar fights or an influx of "How YOU doin'" types invading the local watering holes and making my walks around town ridiculous (though, okay, that is a minor fear).
When I tell people where I'm from, I usually say, "Middletown, New Jersey." When they don't get that (or any Kevin Smith references), I say "It's near Red Bank" because the once semi-plain Jane town I grew up near is now all hoity-toity, complete with a Tiffany's, and cityfolk actually go there to walk around with a Starbucks in their hands and a "The suburbs ain't so bad" gleam in their eyes on the weekends. But if somehow they don't know Red Bank, I'll say, "It's near the beach." Because "the beach" has always been a great source of geography, even if people end up thinking you live near Belmar when that's like a half hour away. But I digress. I'm from the Jersey Shore through-and-through, grew up spending almost every summer Saturday at Sandy Hook (lost my second tooth there while eating a buttered hard-roll), went to the Point Pleasant Boardwalk with my cousins and grandparents every summer, grew up learning backroads to avoid the WEBS/BENNIES on weekends. I love visiting my parents for the smell of salt air from the Navesink River, enjoy crabbing off my dad's boat in the Manasquan (with just a dropline and a net – talent, people. I has it) and feel some sense of pride in knowing where Bruce Springsteen used to live and where he lives now. THAT'S the "Jersey Shore" to me.
I am also half Sicilian...and somehow don't have a proclivity for wrapping people across the head, having people whacked or calling tomato sauce "gravy" (it's sauce in my house, just to FYI). Add this to the fact that I'm 100 percent from New Jersey and… I do not look or act like anything you see on TV when reality people allegedly share these attributes with me. I try not to think about that too much because it's supposed to be for entertainment purposes, and if you're ignorant enough to believe an ENTIRE STATE behaves/looks a certain way, that's on you, not me. Still, it's exhausting having to stop yourself from rolling your eyes anytime someone assumes you're going to have an "OHMYGAWWWD" accent or be really into techno music. The coming of
Jersey Shore kind of amped that up.
I watched the first few episodes, just to be horrified, found bits of it funny, and then quickly got bored with it. Unfortunately, however, my job has kept me in-tune with all their doings, hence why I didn't have to fact check Snooki and JWoww's full names when I typed them earlier. Anyway, When I'd heard Hoboken had refused to allow this spin-off to shoot, I laughed. (Especially at the people who cheered the decision, but derided the killing of Hoboken St Patrick's Day. Because what's really the difference between that kind of debauchery and what goes on on
Jersey Shore? Exactly. And I haven't heard of any
Jersey Shore housemates throwing beer bottles at firefighters, so there's that.)
But now? They're shooting in my town. Not even just in Jersey City, nay, my neighborhood. Like, six blocks from where I live. So now I have yet another stereotype to live up to "Oh, you live in Jersey City! Do you GTL, LOLZ?" I do fear my eyeballs will get stuck in the back of my head at some point.
Don't get me wrong, it's kind of awesome to see your area on television. I was excited about knowing HGTV's
Kitchen Cousins was based out of Jersey City Heights (unless you want to believe it's Hoboken, as the establishing shots seem to
want you to think), since it's a home renovation show with little time for "Can you believe those crazy Jersey Italians?!"-style drama. But a
Jersey Shore spin-off is going to be way, way, way more watched, which leads me to my biggest concern, outside of tiresome outrageous stereotyping: people realizing Downtown Jersey City exists, is actually kind of nice, and moving here. No, really. It took me years to be able to afford to live on my own in my "cheap" neighborhood on my editor's salary (we don't make a lot of money, despite what you've been conditioned to see in every chick-lit book-turned-movie), and I'm one big rent increase away from being SOL in that department. Making people aware of the city, where landlords are already starting to get a little cray-cray in the rent prices department ($1,900 for a studio may be affordable in Manhattan, but here? When it's a basement? That probably flooded during Hurricane Irene? Ridiculous.) is not going to help me much.
Plus, I like how it's quiet and not really looked at as a "party town." I love Hoboken, I do miss all the amenities it afforded for the five years I lived there, but living around a steady-stream of 20 somethings with entitlement issues is its own sort of exhausting. And that was before all the
Cake Boss tourists. I want my current neighborhood to stay under the radar and "uncool", even if it means there's only one Dunkin' Donuts and one Starbucks serving the whole area (perish the thought).
So, yes, ironically enough, what I fear most about Snooki and JWoww's arrival is gentrification, and thus getting pushed out of my happy existence as a result. I guess time will tell, but yeah, I'm a little worried.
Though I guess it could be truly worse. It could be the Kardashians.
