One of my favorite shows growing up was The Facts of Life. I mean, what's more glamorous to a kid than teenagers, and in this case, teenagers living on their own? With a kick-ass theme song? And with a "guardian" who ended up opening a bakery... and then a really cool tchotchke store? Don't get me wrong, the show was pretty terrible at being subtle with its "very special" messages and I remember being, like, eight and thinking "Oh, come on now, show. How many issues can these girls face?" (And all of that coming to a head when Natalie had sex for the first time with that Snake guy - I distinctly remember having a stomach flu during this episode, yet not wanting to tear my eyes away while I consulted my bedside bucket. Seriously, the doings of teenagers don't get more fascinating than that.) Heavy-handed messages aside, it really was a good girl-power-y, friendship heavy, wholesome show for a kid to watch, even if that kid was always raising her eyebrows in skepticism. (I mean, did they really need to add the Australian girl Pippa later? But I digress.)
ANYWAY. As Very Special as some episodes were, some were just REALLY over the top. And in this case, I don't ever remember seeing it in its first run, but only catching it on YouTube a few years ago. It's completely out of control, guys. Basically, all Tootie wants to do is go see Jermaine Jackson (no, really. Not Michael. Not Janet — too early for her I guess, but still. No, Jermaine.) in concert. But she's got a prior commitment! And Mrs. Garrett doesn't want to allow her to break it!
But! But! Well...just watch.
Really, it's no different than when I want to go to a Yankee game, I guess.
You thought that was crazy? Well, wait till you get to the Very Dramatic Moment where she gets in to meet Jermaine, and his security crew (he has girls literally beating down his dressing room door, thus the need for presidential-like protection) puts Tootie in a choke-hold and grabs the gift she brings him and tosses it like a hot potato into the bathroom, where they douse it with water. You know, in case the gift was a bomb. To blow up Jermaine Jackson. And his sparkly sequined jumpsuit. It's absolutely insane.
You can take my word for it, or use the modern marvel known as YouTube and see it for yourself right here:
It doesn't all end well for poor Tootie — really, who wants their frighteningly psychotic popstar dreams dashed in such a way? — but I suppose she was just kind of ahead of her time and knew what we were going to get a few years later. Oh, yes.:
Dayglow-inspired prison yard dance-offs for everyone!
