Bow down, all ye, to the all-time greatest turkey platter ever forged in melmac. It could not be Thanksgiving in the Bischer household without it. As much as my mother would prefer otherwise.
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Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Quote of the Day
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
This is What It's Come To
So, because Downton Abbey is airing over in England right now and people are starting to get their hands on bootlegs of it over here, I've gone into hyper "I DON'T WANT TO SEE NOR HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT IT TILL JANUARY, MMKAY?" mode and I'm in the process of doing my best to secure my social media accounts by blocking anything about it. This means hiding friends in my Facebook feed for a few months. This means doing THIS for Twitter:
Yes, I've pretty much "muted" every character name (Mary and Thomas might be an issue due to their names being common and such). It's that extreme. Seeing as how the two biggest plot points on the show last year were spoiled for me by people/news agencies who did not give two craps about Masterpiece before Downton Abbey became a runaway hit (BANDWAGONERS. THE BANE OF MY SPORTS AND NOW NERDY TV-VIEWING EXISTENCE.) I am taking no chances.
I know this only covers, like, 25 percent of my life. I mean, a MAJOR spoiler was spitefully blurted out in the office last year about a month before this terrible thing happened over on our side of the pond. And, unfortunately, you can't tape up co-workers' mouths without OSHA coming after you. And sometimes, you get spoiled when a site thinks they're helpfully telling you about someone's contract and how he or she has or has not been re-signed — Oh geez, that means I should probably block out actor names too. SIGH....
But, yeah, if you know stuff about the show that the rest of us, don't ye dare utter it in front of me, lest you want me coming after you with the biggest roll of duct tape you've ever seen in your life.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Was Not Expecting That
All I hoped for tonight was that I'd get home in time to see the end of the game, hear Enter Sandman played one last time, see Mo's last hurrah and whatnot. I figured I'd get a little verklempt - I got all choked up on Sunday at Mariano Rivera Day, and that wasn't even a hard-and-fast goodbye. There'd be a nice postgame moment and he'd doff his cap and wave to the crowd and nod and that would be the bittersweet hometown end to an incredible career.
But I did NOT expect Andy and Old Man Jeter to go out and fetch him off the mound. And I did not expect Mo to flat-out start weeping in Andy's arms as the crowd roared. And I did not expect that I'd be an emotional basket case anytime they replayed that moment, or when Mo sat staring at the field and finally went out to the mound to collect some dirt or when Joe Girardi broke down in his press conference or when Mo THANKED THE NEW YORK MEDIA in his conference (what?!?!). Good lord.
But I was in good company. My Yankee buds (text message responses highlighted in white) were also all sort of wrecked by this evening.
I'm putting together a bigger honorary Mo post that will not do his career or my feelings about it any justice, but I will try anyway.
For now, I have to go hunt down some tissues.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
KB's Celebrity Sighting Scorecard
So, last night I'm doing my semi-weekly "long walk," which entails strolling the Hudson River from Battery Park up to the ferry terminal - it takes longer to get home, but I'm all about enjoying the nice weather while it lasts. Being crammed into a PATH train full of grouchy people all winter is coming soon enough. Anyway, as I'm coming upon the restaurant I always remind myself to tell my friends about because it has a really nice view with decent prices, I see a dog stationed near the al fresco dining entrance, and I'm all, "Aww, Rookie," because any big black dog makes me think of my onetime semi-psychotpathic Labrador. The dog's barking a little, and that's when I see someone get up from their table (the only full table in the section) and start walking over to the dog. Much like the times I've crossed paths with possums near my urban apartment, my eyes are all like "Is that...?" and my brain's like, "Holy cow, shyeah." Except in this case it isn't a giant nocturnal creature that I have to register, but Orlando Bloom.
This weirded me out because 1) I'd seen him in Romeo and Juliet last week 2) I was thinking not ten minutes prior to this passing how I rarely ever see celebrities in their natural habitat (i.e., living like humans like the rest of us) 3) My job requires me to look at his photos and read about him every now and then - and I just had read a nugget about him like an hour before. So I was like, "Yes, someone spiked my iced tea lemonade and I'm hallucinating this." I kept on walking.
But then, because of my job and the assorted photos that come with it, I remember the dog. And his (adorable) kid (sitting at the table he came from with two other guys). Still, I was like, "It could just be a tourist doppleganger family or something." Basically, I didn't believe it was him until our morning work meeting today and there was a paparazzi shot of him yesterday in the same outfit I saw him in. Now, I'll never be 100 percent sure because I didn't have any witnesses (like Ken, who is like a soaring eagle spotting mice in a corn field when it comes to celeb sightings - it's even MORE part of his job than it is mine, so his skills are sharp) and if I don't talk to you (and I'd never bug a celeb who's just trying to enjoy their free time), I will always doubt.
But still. I may have been working in a celeb-related field for the last eight years, but I am not jaded enough not to dork out when I see or think I see someone famous out and about. Not that I ever see them that often, mind you (see my thought ten minutes prior to spying Mr. Bloom).
It all goes back to 1999, when the first famous person I saw when I started working in NYC was the Knicks' coach at the time, Jeff Van Gundy. He was leaving my office building (right above Madison Square Garden) and the dark circles under his eyes alone gave him away, but then one of the security guards was all "Hey, Coach!" and that was my proof. You'd think I'd seen Brad Pitt, I was so excited - my first celebrity sighting! (I was easily won back then.) I got to see a few more famous people when I worked in that building because there were a few radio stations in there. For instance, the day the Yankees won the 1999 World Series, I rode in an elevator with the Goo Goo Dolls. Like, who'd think they were a harbinger of good things to come later in the day?
Others I've seen (and this is scattered over, like, 14 years, so it really isn't that many):
Molly Shannon on 8th Avenue - A gaggle of school kids in uniform had surrounded her and she delightedly signed autographs for them.
Jessica Lange at the Gap - This was a Ken sighting. She was wearing sunglasses indoors and I NEVER would've noticed her had he not pointed her out.
Matthew McCounaughey outside Yankee Stadium - The night of Game 2 of the 2009 World Series. He can come back any time he likes since they won that night.
Jon Bon Jovi at a bar - This was pretty awesome because it was in Red Bank. This was like three weeks after 9/11 (he was doing a benefit down the street) and my friends and I were in said bar, just hanging out when someone spied him toward the back. No one bothered him. Didn't stop us from being like, "OMG!" the entire evening.
Every now and then, TV shows/movies film near my office and actors' trailers get stationed outside our door. Because of this, I've seen Matt Bomer twice.
I saw Sarah Jessica Parker and Ron Livingston filming a scene for Sex and the City, and Bobby Flay filming his show and a good number of celebs at Yankee games, but those don't count. They weren't, like, navigating around swarms of tourists or buying zucchini at the supermarket or something epically mundane.
But the unfairness of all this is that I NEVER see Yankees out and about. Back in 2000, my dad and I were sitting on the 4 train at Yankee Stadium, waiting for the doors to close and Chuck Knoblauch walked by on the platform and we were like, "Was that...?" And then a couple of months later, I almost crashed into him on 42nd Street near Grand Central. But that's it. No other Yankees in the wild, ever (meeting Thumper at a press event a few years ago does not count). How this happens when I live near/work in the city they allegedly play for is sort of BS, right?
I'm too old to take up clubbing, so I'm just going to have to hope we cross paths at Starbucks or something. But if Derek Jeter gets the last of the iced tea lemonade, I will have to hate him. Just so we're clear.
Monday, September 16, 2013
In Which I Brag About Doing Something I Should've Done When I Was, Oh, 18
I feel the need to blog about a momentous occasion: That time I had a wisdom tooth pulled... four days ago.
You're all, "What? You didn't have your wisdom teeth taken out 20 years ago with everyone else your age?" Or "Yawn. Why aren't we talking about the Yankees and their apparent voodoo health hex?" But I have to discuss it because I, the queen of avoidance of all things physically painful (you think I got around having any of those wisdom teeth pulled for 20 years by sheer luck alone? Nay, it was all about well-plotted denial), bucked up and voluntarily had this thing pulled. With NO ANESTHESIA. The rogue tooth was in need of pulling but not impacted, hence why I was not put to sleep - but I denied getting laughing gas too. No, I was not going to exit that office high as a kite and drool-y, where I might wander down the road to that restaurant where that cute bartender works and chat him up while he got ready for the lunch shift, all the while gross, nasty gauze falling out of my mouth unbeknowst to me because I'm feelin' fiiiiiiine. Yeah, that was SO NOT happening. So I was all aware of what was going on and felt like a human wine bottle with an incredibly stubborn cork as the (very nice) oral surgeon yanked and twisted at said tooth and finally popped that sucker out like it was New Year's Eve or something.
I was all on top of the world after that, you guys. I mean, I had no pain at all, thanks to the novocaine, and I had been psyching myself up (read: freaking myself out in every possible way) for weeks up till that moment. The worst was over! I could go home and watch some TV! Eat some soup and other non-chewable foods! Tweet/Facebook something funny and/or relatable to the human plight of having extra teeth we don't even need! I could also FEEL THE WORST PAIN OF MY LIFE when the novocaine wore off. No, really. I've had molars pulled (before I got braces), broken my wrist, twisted my ankle to the point that my foot swelled up to like three times its size, split my chin open and cut my ankle to the point where I saw the bone. No, none of that hurt as much as having been a human wine bottle. And I only had ONE tooth taken. If it had been all four? Good lord, I would've sobbed like a baby. I'm not kidding. Although, I later read you should take your pain killers BEFORE the pain starts in, so I'll remember that for... nope, the rest are staying RIGHT where they are.
The crazy thing is, despite that pain, I decided not to take the percocet the surgeon prescribed - I needed to be aware and have my faculties in case The Chicken decided he was going to start dealing the oxy from right there in our apartment while I was passed out. Instead, I went with the heavy-duty ibuprofen he gave me and that, awesomely, did the trick. But that initial pain. Oh my goodness. I am SO keeping the rest of these wisdom teeth for as long as humanly possible, because I am brave enough to be a human wine bottle, but I lack the courage to deal with it three fold. No. Way.
But as a personal victory? Why yes, I do have to celebrate that. Because that sucker sure as shooting isn't going back in, so, clearly, I won.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Quote of the Night
So, on Friday night, I get this random email from a 917-area-code phone number, with a photo from Fenway park and the line "Deep in enemy territory." I can't seem to reply to texts sent from phones to my email, so I hit up all my friends to see if they could solve the mystery - did we know any of our Yankee fan brethren visiting Beantown? Nope, nobody did. So it will have to remain a mystery, unless you are reading this post now and like, "OMFG, I can't believe KB has no idea it's me." (Forgive me!)
Anyway, while watching tonight's game, I've been texting with Tonya, Steph and Erica, and we all seemed to notice Denzel Washington in the stands after Gardner's triple. Tonya gets line of the night honors for this. Because, awesome:
Friday, May 10, 2013
It's About 1,770 Feet Taller Than Me, So, Respect
Today 1 World Trade had its spire hoisted to the tippy-tippy top of the building, allegedly making in the tallest in the United States. So when I viewed it from across the river today, I made sure to compliment it on its new hat. Because at 408 feet, there's probably some feeling of "Is this thing too big for my body?" and I don't want the building to have a complex or anything.
Also, it should be noted that it is also 408 feet to dead center in Yankee Stadium. So while I wouldn't say it's the best building in New York, it certainly seems to have its allegiances straight, albeit coincidentally. I mean, it's not like the Empire State Building, which will change its colors for any team in the country, even if said team is a rival of those playing in the city it stands in. Not that I'm bitter about that or anything.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
4-6-5-6-5-3-4
When you go and freeze your butt off at many early April games, you kind of think, "Man, I'm kind of owed something nice, here." Usually, a win is enough of a "reward" for all your butt-freezing, but last night, Steph and I got a nice little treat with the randomest triple play you'll ever see (really, the way in which it went down, and the fact that it was half enacted by substitute players was impressive in its own right) Like so:
I am only thankful that I'd returned to my seat from the bathroom (the sink water? Still Absolutely torturous levels of cold) a few minutes before it happened, because if it had gone down while I was on the toilet... well, I would've been warm. But that wouldn't have been as awesome, you know?
We also 1) Got a win and 2) Got to see Mo for the first time in over a year. That's far too long to go without Enter Sandman and seeing Marlboro Man rocking out appropriately. Also, Steph sort summoned Wells' big hit/Jones error when she reminded Vernon that when the bases are loaded on Friday night, that means your making it Grand Slam Friday time. While it wasn't quite deep enough to go out, it still scored all the guys on base and broke the tie. Which is very important because I don't know how many extra innings I could've lasted since I couldn't feel my toes despite wearing three pairs of socks.
But let it be known that the Stadium was like 1/4 full when that triple play went down, so if someone says to you that they were there, be sure to be slightly skeptical about it. You can be sure Steph and I were there, though. We've got the $10 hot chocolate mugs and probably an upcoming case of pneumonia to prove it.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Leeeeet the Sunshiiiiine, Leeeeeet the Sunshin iiiin...
I know it's only the beginning of April and that it's bound to get seasonal again (juuuuust in time for Friday's game, complete with rain, natch), but let me just turn internal cartwheels over this for a moment:
This sort of makes up for it barely making it out of the 30s in January and February. Sort of.
Friday, April 5, 2013
No, August Self, It's NOT That Bad
What I wore to Wednesday night's Yankee game (Game time starting temperature 38 - don't know what the wind chill was, but it was blustery. Take my word for it): my snow coat, long underwear, a scarf, a long-sleeved shirt, a wool sweater, gloves and a blanket. Because, for some reason, the second game of the season was one of the bonus midweek games we get with our Friday package, when our first Friday game isn't till next week (I certainly wouldn't have picked a night game on APRIL THIRD voluntarily. I've had all hope of decent, want-to-sit-outside weather this time of year beaten out of me). This is intriguing because it was a Red Sox game, which we've NEVVVVVER gotten as a "bonus" game before. I don't know if the brass thought regular ticket-buyers would be turned off by the almost always crazy early April conditions and thus decided to throw a "premium" game at us, or if they sensed the bandwagon has been emptying and would want to put fannies in seats the best way possible. Either way. It was cold. And sort of empty (and almost completely empty by the 8th inning). Which is sad only if you haven't suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous bandwagoners. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, kiddies.
Anyway, the game was the meh-est of meh, but man, Ichiro? Was the MVP of between-inning segments. Awesomely, the "language lesson" now includes players trying to pronounce foreign baseball-related phrases. Wednesday's Japanese word, seemingly 20 letters long and made up of all As and Ks, was the English equivalent of "not warm" (nice touch, there, scoreboard operators). Ichiro pronounces it correctly then patiently waits for his tongue-tied teammates to say it — which, I think Thumper and OMJ may have come the closest, but still missed by like forty syllables. This leads to Ichiro shaking his head a few times then literally face-palming in response to the failure. Awesome. Then, later, the most amazing question ever posed to Yankees in human times, "What's your favorite karaoke song"(!!!!!), comes up and while I couldn't hear a lot of them (something with the wind makes scoreboard audibleness impossible) I did make out that OMJ is partial to "Purple Rain" (WHAT?!), and Kevin Youkilis sang part of his song that I didn't recognize, so it was probably country or death metal, and Ichiro, our hero, being all "Snoooop Dooggggggg". I mean.
Also, we had to greet the new guys. Which means Steph gave Youkilis a tepid applause, I nicknamed Lyle Overbay "Lyle, Lyle Crocodile" and we had to sing "Ben" to Ben Francisco. We slide right back into the important things without missing a beat, you guys.
Food related observation: While I was delighted to see that the chicken sliders vendors have been moved closer to our seating area, Steph was miffed to see the popcorn stalls, her game-day staple, to be shuttered. I don't know what the reasoning there is considering popcorn is an all-weather food... and yet the ice cream stall was open when it probably could've snowed. Also, since Bloomberg's giant soda ban didn't go into effect, I probably could've gotten an enormous Coke in celebration, but opted for a water instead, which barely got drank... because I didn't want to have to get up too much and go to the bathroom with its ICE COLD water for washing hands. No, that was painful. But compare this to late July, when I've been known to go through two bottles of water at a game to keep from keeling over with dehydration.
Weather extremes, man.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Enough. In the He's Ready To Kick Ass Like Jennifer Lopez Sense.
Do you see this? It's called The Yankee Chicken Gets a Crazy Look In His Eye. Which has mostly been known to happen before something good happens. But right now he's feeling the other side of crazy. Like, the crazy side of crazy. Because he's just plum-tuckered when it comes to this winter and now alleged spring and he's about to lose his ever-loving mind if it rainsnows one more time or if the wind doesn't die the f*** down. He just wants Mother Nature to know he has a very formidable steak knife and he knows how to maneuver it, despite not having opposable thumbs.
Also, he has some other news to pass along... that is neither here nor there considering there will probably be a blizzard on Opening Day. Harumph.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
A Thing of Beauty is a Joy Till the Postseason is Over
Friday, March 8, 2013
Musical Musings for March
Another survey snatched from Tumblr (again, I'm not into this whole "Ooh, everyone ask me these questions" thing when they are just sitting here for me to answer). This one about music. Forgive my 80s/classic rock leanings, but I am not embarrassed by them.
1: A song you like with a color in the title Green River, CCR. A great song about remembering where you come from and being able to come home again.
2: A song you like with a number in the title Just the Two of Us, Bill Withers. I don't know why, but when I would hear this song when I was a kid, I was like "This is what living in New York must sound like." I think it was all the NYC-based smooth jazz stations my mom listened to.
3: A song that reminds you of summertime Something About You, Level 42. This will never not remind me of going to Sandy Hook on summer Saturdays, circa 1986.
4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about What was Kevin Brown/Carl Pavano/Et. al's warm-up music? Because that.
5: A song that needs to be played LOUD Let's Go Crazy by Prince. Let's just say I think my best revenge ever on Sasquatch (remember Sasquatch?) was after a night of him partying till 4 a.m., and I forced myself awake at 8 a.m. and blasted the s*** out of this. Passive-aggressive? Yes. Hangover-aiding? Oh, hell no.
6: A song that makes you want to dance In the Stone, Earth Wind and Fire. I am chair boogeying just thinking about it
7: A song to drive to Take It Easy by the Eagles is pretty much made for being behind the wheel, is it not?
8: A song about drugs or alcohol Salesman by the Monkees is one of the jolliest songs about a drug dealer I've ever heard.
9: A song that makes you happy You Just May Be the One, The Monkees. It's the "ahs" on that bridge, man.
10: A song that makes you sad I don't think "sad" is the right word, but Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House always evokes a certain kind of melancholy.
11: A song that you never get tired of As, by Stevie Wonder. Perfection.
12: A song from your preteen years Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leppard. Ah, middle school dances.
13: One of your favorite 80’s songs I recently told Tonya I think Easy Lover by Phil Collins and Phillip Bailey is my fave 80s tune. She agreed. Because, really, how can you top the awesomeness of this pairing singing about a faithless hussy of a woman? I know.
14: A song that you would love played at your wedding I think the dude I marry has some say in this too?
15: A song that is a cover by another artist The Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova version of You Ain't Goin' Nowhere. I have no idea what this song means, Bob Dylan, but thanks for writing something so delightful.
16: One of your favorite classical songs Smetana's The Moldau. I had to remember it for a college music appreciation class and it was my favorite of the bunch of songs we had to memorize. Getting to hear it played in Prague, its birthplace, by a four-piece orchestra last year was pretty sweet.(See. I like more music than just 80s and classic rock)
17: A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke Oh, survey, you act as if I have never done karaoke before. But you are wrong. One of the best duets was Tonya and I doing Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror (not really a duet, but bear with me), and we got almost everyone in the room singing along, until the end when half the room broke off into the "gospel choir" part and it was just perfect.
18: A song from the year that you were born Best of My Love, by the Emotions. Disco was huge the year I was born and I embrace that. I don't think I could ever scorn something that was invented to make people dance. Do people even dance anymore outside of weddings and YouTube memes? That kind of blows.
19: A song that makes you think about life This is the weirdest "question". Don't all songs remind you of life in someway? At least your own life?
20: A song that has many meanings to you This is not really something I've ever thought about? I'm not about to scroll through my iPod to figure it out.
21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title Lola, by the Kinks. Because I can summon it at almost anytime. I have witnesses.
22: A song that moves you forward Bron-Y-Aur Stomp, Led Zeppelin. Best song about a dog ever. Also one of the best walking songs.
23: A song that you think everybody should listen to Just as I wouldn't want someone forcing their music on me, I wouldn't do it to someone else. I don't expect everyone to have the same taste as me.
24: A song by a band you wish were still together I've Got This Friend, The Civil Wars. Because when I finally get into a "current" group, they go on hiatus. Psh.
25: A song by an artist no longer living I Wish I Were In Love Again, Frank Sinatra. "The conversation with the flying plates" - he just sells the whole song.
26: A song that breaks your heart I don't know? I'm not into dwelling on songs that make me feel bad.
27: A song by an artist with a voice that you love Anything by Heart. Ann Wilson's voice is insane.
28: A song that you remember from your childhood Every Breath You Take by the Police. Because I used to think the lyrics "How my poor heart aches" were "I wanna pull her legs" when I was six, which I thought was hilarious.
29: A song that reminds you of yourself She Works Hard For the Money, Donna Summer. Because I do.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Because Someone's Gotta Protect These Klutzes from Themselves
With Granderson breaking his forearm and Thumper straining his forearm and Hughes hurting his back and Robertson sleeping funny on his arm and El Capitan still hobbled and Brian Cashman breaking his ankle (while skydiving, but still) and Ichiro in a freaking car accident, The Yankee Chicken thought it was time to take matters into his own hands and indulge in a little praying to St. George. He does what he can. And hopes it's all figured out in a months' time, because, you know.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Carry That Weight
In an attempt to get in shape before spring, The Yankee Chicken is taking his new fitness regimen very seriously and not even thinking of attempting steroids... even though he can't lift his barbells. At least the pros are coming back so he doesn't have to put up a macho front much longer.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Rave On
The Yankee Chicken takes a break from pondering his first rave (no, really, what was that all about?) to cheer us with something far better than crappy techno music and glow sticks.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The Major Effect of The Miniseries. A Very Serious And Thought-Provoking Post By Karen A Bischer
So I've come to realize recently how much certain miniseries shaped my formative years. I know - it's supposed to be literature that had this profound effect on me right? Well, maybe it helps that they were all based on books. Anyway, I was this little sponge for made-for-TV drama and three series in particular, all airing around the same time, were beyond fascinating to me. Which, go on with your bad self 1980s. You may have had your issues (Why is dayglow coming back? WHY?), but you could be counted on for just wanting to entertain the hell out of everyone. Hence why it felt like a new miniseries would air every week back then. My goodness, did the networks have money to burn back then or what?
Anyway. While I've loved many a mini (The Stand, A&E's Pride and Prejudice, I, Claudius, Clarissa... I could go on all night, for real), these three had the most impact. Thank you, mid-1980s TV producers. Thank you.:
North and South (Books I and II):
This s*** was the very definition of EPIC, man. Six nights for each part: I ask you, when was the last time network TV had the balls to do that? My parents watched it in its first run when I was 8. I vaguely remember them watching Shogun and The Thorn Birds before that, but this was the first miniseries I was old enough to be totally captivated by. I think a trip to Williamsburg the year before (in which I was totally bored except for the fried chicken) might've given me an appreciation or at least a slight understanding of "olden times" because in the third grade you're only just starting to learn about that stuff. Clearly, I was not the target audience for such a thing. But something about all the characters and costumes and the (somewhat terrible) accents sucked. me. in. And it was also educational - really! I mean, I walked away learning about the lead-up to the Civil War and the horrors of slavery and how it divided the entire country. Where else was I going to get that at that age? Because Silver Spoons and Punky Brewster sure as hell weren't tackling those issues, you know?
And on a more shallow front, it's probably the first time I remember being invested in TV romance: I wanted Orry and Madeline together because, really, it's no contest between young Patrick Swayze and menacing, "celery tonic"-and-horse-whip wielding David Carradine. I wanted Billy (the first Billy, anyway. Second Billy...not a Parker Stevenson fan at the age of 8) to like nice Brett better than Ashton and her scheme-heaving bosom. I even understood Orry and George's bromance (because really, that's what this is all about. Watching the first part recently, I couldn't get over how much manlove those two had for each other, as much as the unhinged Virgillia always tried to ruin it). The whole thing was just so involving.
Even if it still does leave me with a lot of questions. Like why did everyone say "aboat" and "hoose" like they were Canadian? And why did the Hazard family look alike while the Main siblings all looked nowhere near related? And did my parents let me stay up past my bedtime to watch each part? (I could've been riding the "I split my chin open and had to get stitches" sympathy wave during the first part. It's entirely possible.)
After all these years, I STILL remember this promo and this guy's voice, especially the way he said "Lesley Anne Down." Also, it should be noted Part 2 started airing the day after my first communion. Big weekend, man.
But the craziest part? Is when Part 2 aired the following spring, a big group of us re-created it on the playground. I'm not kidding. I was far from the only third grader swept up in this thing. I distinctly remember playing out a scene where my classmate was Ashton and she got to pretend-slap me, her sister Brett (like ten times - we thought it was high comedy). We acted out people falling down enormous staircases and getting thrown through windows dramatically (we only needed a big tree and a chainlink fence for all this). And when we got older? I remember watching it with my friends in high school (we'll ignore Part III, which I watched about fifteen minutes of when it aired and turned off my TV in disgust) and us going around quoting it for days (Bent's "You ho-ah" still lives on amongst a few of us). When Time Life finally issued it on VHS? My friend sneakily used her brand-new checking account to buy both Part I and II. I don't think her parents were too thrilled with the idea, but it was a proud day when that first tape was delivered to her and we got to watch it again.
The power of Orry and George can drive one to subterfuge, you see.
All the Rivers Run:
I can't even tell you how much I loved this one back in the day. It originally aired on HBO in 1983, but I didn't see it till my dad recorded it in 1985 for my mom off what would soon become our local Fox affiliate. It came on once a week, really late on Saturday night and had some REALLY AWESOME 80s commercials (Delta Gold potato chips with Jason Alexander, anyone?) to go along with it, but that's not what made it so great. Basically, it's a girl-power story dressed up in historical romance. A British teen girl named Philadelphia gets shipwrecked in the early 1900s off the coast of Australia, loses her entire immediate family and has to go live on a farm with her incredibly bitchy aunt, sweet but horndog-y uncle (he has several mistresses. Which you can kind of understand because when I say the aunt is bitchy, woman is bitchy) and intense and increasingly creepy cousin (like, seriously, dude, your cousin doesn't want to make out with you. Gross).
Anyway, the farm is on a river and Philadelphia grows to love all the paddleboats that go by, one in particular where the only other survivor of the shipwreck is a deckhand. This all leads to Philly having an adversarial/turned flirty/turned you-know-where-this-is-going relationship with the captain of the boat. She eventually travels on the boat and befriends the salty crew, and then becomes a first mate, and then a captain. Along the way, there are many adventures, both on the water and on land, and a lot of soapy things happen and a potential romance with a pretentious, pale art critic threatens everything, but lo, Philadelphia sticks with the river and her hot, temporarily disabled captain husband, because she's a bad ass who can be a wife, mother, paint portraits AND captain a boat. Sisters are doing it for themselves, y'all. Looking back on it, this was pretty awesome for a little girl to see, so thanks HBO for helping make that happen, even if you were probably courting the romance-novel-reading set and not so much the Ramona Quimby-reading set.
Anne of Green Gables/Anne of Avonlea
You guyyyyys. I don't think I'll ever be able to say enough about this series (well, the less said about that ridiculous third part the better, but Part I and II are flawless). I was too young to have read the books, so when this came on the air in like 1986 or so, I had no background info on it. Here was this character, Anne, who was whip smart but she was so melodramatic and getting herself into jams - she was by no means a goody-goody, which is how smart kids were almost always portrayed. A cute guy teases her because of her hair, she smashes his slate over his head (because she has a bad temper - it was so refreshing!), and he apologizes to her. And he likes her because she's smart! Later, she doesn't want to marry him just because everyone expects it and she's not going to get married just to get married (Bravo, Lucy Maud Montgomery, for being so ahead of your time, even if it played out a bit differently in the books). She goes off and lives her life. And then she comes to her senses because, hi, Gilbert's a fox and is into her for her brains, and he almost dies not knowing she loves him or that he inspired her to write a book that got published. Le sigh.
AMAZING.But what I appreciate most about it is that when I first came upon it on PBS when I was like 9 or 10, I was like, "Is this real? Is this something for someone my age?" and being so in awe of that. No, really, what other miniseries were they gearing towards kids back then? Or now? Oh, sure, there were the After School Specials, but those always had a force-fed "message" and were only an hour long. This was meant to engage you for at least a few days and not just serve as a cautionary tale. This was something for you to relate to. Anne and her big words are half the reason alone why my own vocabulary improved. I have no doubt that in some way, my wanting to become a writer was influenced by Anne Shirley (and probably Kathleen Turner's romance-novel-writing character in Romancing the Stone. But that's another post for another day). I dare say it was one of the most influential things from my childhood. Yes, all from a little old made-for-TV miniseries.
Man, recess must be a very dull place these days since kids don't have these things to emulate anymore. Tsk, tsk. (Unless they're acting out Downton Abbey, which would be FANTASTIC.)
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Nesting
The Yankee Chicken takes a break from mentally redecorating and organizing the apartment for spring (what else are we going to do with twelve feet of rain and snow outside?) to take some good news off the shelf.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
This Is Not to Be Confused With His Christmas Card List
The Yankee Chicken takes a moment to study the list of people he does NOT supply PEDs• to. He wants to make sure it's correct, lest some member of the media get a hold of it. He also is keeping in mind the bigger spring training picture.
*He thinks it stands for Pretty Excellent Doughnuts and I do not have the heart to tell him this is not the case (though it would be better news for Major League Baseball if it were).
Favorite Wikipedia Entry of the Day
So that awesome station by Tonya that plays a blast-from-the-past countdown every day? Is streaming now. Which means I can be rocking out to the hit songs of this day in 1984 at the same time as my friend in the Central Time Zone. It makes me want to hug the internets.
Anyway, after hearing the songs of the aforementioned year, 1984, today, it made me remember that Footloose would be coming into the countdown soon, as I remember dancing to that with my imaginary friend Tammy. Because that is what only children do. Anyhow, I had to look it up on Wikipedia to make sure I wasn't going nuts in remembering it as being a winter/early spring 1984 song, and sure enough, it was released in January and hit No. 1 in March. So yay for long-term memory.
But that's not the best part. Nay, that's reserved for the "content" part of its Wiki entry:
So make sure your "Sunday shoes" are comfortable from now on, lest ye have to go barefoot on some strange surface when the uncontrollable urge to dance overtakes you.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Frozen Chicken
The Yankee Chicken almost didn't come out for this week's countdown because he is like "It's 4 DEGREES OUTSIDE ARE YOU CRAZY MAKING ME DO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? THIS ISN'T DR. ZHIVAGO" that sensitive to the cold, but he's mustering up all his courage because he knows there's work to be done. Even if April has never seemed so freaking far away.
Book Learnin'
So I saw this on Tumblr (which, really, I don't understand today's youth because when surveys like this go out, you have to ask your followers to ask you these questions. What is that about? Why can't you just post it and answer what you want to answer? I swear, people are just going to forget how to be direct at some point and not offer opinions unless prompted. Now get off my lawn) and figured hey, why not answer it?
1. Favorite childhood book?
The April Rabbits, Dr. DeSoto or any of the Ramona Quimby books.
2. What are you reading right now?
Just One Day by Gayle Forman.
3. What books do you have on request at the library?
Oh, I get it, to be a big-time reader I must be at the library all the time, right? Well, sadly, that is not the case.
4. Bad book habit?
Not finishing a book. I picked this up within the last few years. As I've gotten older, my patience has waned when it comes to giving a s*** about characters.
5. What do you currently have checked out at the library?
Why this library obsession? Seriously, I support them whole-heartedly but sometimes people buy books at bookstores, you know?
6. Do you have an e-reader?
No, they hold no appeal for me.
7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once?
I barely have time for one book now, so yes, it's one book at a time. When I have time.
8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?
No, but they have changed as my job responsibilities and book-writing have evolved.
9. Least favourite book you read this year (so far)?
Since it's January, I'm going to include 2012 in this... and I can't remember most of the books I read last year. That should tell you something about how memorable they were.
10. Favorite book you’ve read this year?
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I hate that it took me this long to read it, but it's wonderful
11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone?
I don't read what I don't like. There's not enough time for that.
12. What is your reading comfort zone?
I read fiction. I'm not big on non-fiction because I read non-fiction for a living. So it's not so much a comfort zone as a "leave my job at my job" zone.
13. Can you read on the bus?
I don't take enough buses to know. But I can read on a train or a plane. Even a boat.
14. Favorite place to read?
Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to have like a little window seat or a cozy reading nook or a giant poplar tree that I like to sit under, right? Snark aside, I don't need to be somewhere specific to enjoy a book.
15. What is your policy on book lending?
If I like a book and I know someone else will like it, I lend it. It's one reason I don't like eBooks.
16. Do you ever dog-ear books?
On my own books, yes. On ones I've borrowed, no.
17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books?
Only travel guides.
18. Not even with text books?
Oh, I get it now. This is for people still in school. Well, guess what? IT'S GREAT NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT READING TEXT BOOKS ANYMORE, LET ALONE WRITING IN THEM. Ahem.
19. What is your favourite language to read in?
*Eye roll*
20. What makes you love a book?
Great books (and TV shows and movies) always have what I call "the nugget" - that one little moment where you're like "Okay, I love this thing." It usually has to do with well-drawn characters and moments that are earned and not manipulated.
21. What will inspire you to recommend a book?
If I really want to talk about it with someone who I know is a big reader.
22. Favorite genre?
I do love my YA and I'm not ashamed of this in the least.
23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did)?
I find memoirs hard because I sit there and think "How can people remember this much detail from something that happened to them at age three?" and it takes me out of it. Although I have read some really interesting ones which makes me think I should give more a shot.
24. Favourite biography?
I'm not really that intrigued by many people to read a full biography on them, but I did recently read The Monkees: The Day-By-Day Story of the 60s TV Pop Sensation, which broke down the rise and fall of the band, including recording sessions and what went into making songs. That's the kind of stuff I'm interested in.
25. Have you ever read a self-help book?
No.
26. Favourite cookbook?
I own quite a few, but I don't know that I have a favorite, per se, because most of my favorite recipes have come from the Internet. I do find the Fanny Farmer Cookbook the one I consult with questions the most. And The Magnolia Bakery Cookbook has gotten a lot of wear.
27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)?
Dating back to last year? The Book Thief.
28. Favorite reading snack?
I'm usually in bed when I read, so it's not really snack appropriate.
29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience.
The Lovely Bones and Let the Great World Spin
30. How often do you agree with critics about a book?
Feh, I don't really go by reviews of books. Different strokes for different folks.
31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?
I rarely put my negative opinions of books out in a public forum, because, see above, but there have been some that really irritated me that I had to blog about just to get it off my chest. If you do it by sticking to what you don't like about a book and not going after an author's character or something stupid like that, it's okay.
32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose?
I can read a little in Spanish. That has not really helped in any of the foreign countries I've visited that weren't Mexico, however.
33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read?
The Scarlet Letter - intimidating for sheer boringness.
34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin?
The Brothers Karamozov. I've tried to start this but the sheer size of it exhausts me.
35. Favorite Poet?
Probably Walt Whitman or Robert Frost. I like my straight-to-the-point Americans.
36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time?
N/A
37. How often have you returned books to the library unread?
This is half the reason I can't do library books. I can't have a deadline when I'm reading for pleasure since I have one for work.
38. Favorite fictional character?
Ramona Quimby
39. Favourite fictional villain?
Lila Fowler? I don't know, I don't usually like antagonizers.
40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation?
Travel guides. For real, they've been tremendous helps.
41. The longest I’ve gone without reading.
If I'm devoting my free time to writing, I can go weeks without reading a book.
42. Name a book that you could/would not finish.
Oy, there are too many. I couldn't get through The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, A Confederacy of Dunces, to name two critical darlings.
43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading?
If it's a good book, I'm not easily distracted, period.
44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel?
Of a book I've read? The Perks of Being a Wallflower, but then I didn't totally love the book. I liked the Harry Potter movies too, but nowhere NEAR as much as I liked the books. Book I didn't read: Either Gone With the Wind or Sense and Sensibility. I don't read books after seeing movies first anymore because it's really not exercising my imagination, which, for me, is the best part of reading.
45. Most disappointing film adaptation?
Oh, too many to count. One Day comes to mind as a recent one. Circle of Friends, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist are two major offenders that hurt. It's the reason I can't bring myself to see Life of Pi, which I loved as a book.
46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time?
I don't usually keep track of that sort of thing because I only usually buy one book at once. But I know I spent close to $60 last year buying travel guides and some fiction books.
47. How often do you skim a book before reading it?
It depends. If it's a tough "literary" book or one I'm skeptical about liking, I'll glance at the Amazon preview of the first few pages.
48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through?
It's happened more times than I'd like to count. Mostly because I'm bored with it or I don't "get" it.
49. Do you like to keep your books organized?
They're organized by genre and then author/height on my shelves.
50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them?
I keep the ones I like. I do give a lot of books I don't love to the local church book sale. I live in an apartment and space IS limited.(No, I still don't want an eReader.)
51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding?
Eh, I'm not going to read the rest of the Twilight books.
52. Name a book that made you angry.
Oh goodness, did Something Borrowed irritate the s*** out of me. Also, the ending to Mocking Jay.
53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did?
Revolutionary Road. Depressing subject matter, but completely elevated by fantastic writing. I don't mind being put through the wringer if something is evocative/thought-provoking.
54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t?
The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.
55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading?
It's my goal to eradicate "guilty pleasure" from my vocabulary because no one should be made to feel guilty for enjoying something - unless it's morally reprehensible, of course. And books usually aren't.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Two Tweets I Found Amusing
First, Thumper's simple shock over the extremely complicated Manti Te'o fake-dead-girlfriend scandal:
Professional athletes get all WTF, too. Just like us!
And then the Yanks quoting El Capitan:
I want to know what kind of "baseball activities". Because "baseball activities" brings to mind, like, connect-the-dots (forming a catcher's mitt or the Yankee logo, of course) or a word find (retired Yankee names) or arts and crafts like some kind of pinstriped God's eye or pot holder or something. The possibilities are endless